Neither you nor I is in control vs. Neither you nor I am OR Neither you nor I are in control

Neither you nor I is in control vs. Neither you nor I am OR Neither you
nor I are in control

I was watching the film A Game of Shadows starring Robert Downey Junior
and Jude law when this line came up, "...neither you nor I is in
control..." (I can't remember the exact words that ended the phrase; if
anyone can supply them, it would be much appreciated.)
It immediately struck me as being odd. When I mentioned this to my
boyfriend; an English native speaker, with a PHD in something sciency, he
told me it was correct. When I asked why, he couldn't explain but put
forward the following sentence as an example. "Neither of us is in
control..." But I disagreed with the wording and said the sentence should
be: "Neither one of us is in control..." The genderless third person, one,
is singular and hence so too the verb that follows. And we say, "one is"
NOT "one are".
I believe
"Neither you nor I are in control over ..."
sounds better but it makes more logical sense to say:
"Neither you nor I am in control..."
because the verb agrees with the subject pronoun I; however, I'm not sure
if I have ever read or heard this solution. So, I tried inverting the
subject and auxiliary verb order and the resulting phrase was:
"Neither you nor am I in control..."
which sounds very formal, pompous and odd. Am I imagining things?
The two subjects you and I are two separate individuals who are not joined
together, I agree the verb should be in the singular; but why should we
use "is"? We don't say, "you is" or "I is". Before anyone rushes off to
claim my question is a duplicate of a previous Stackexchange one: "Neither
Michael nor Albert is correct" or "Neither Michael nor Albert are
correct"? I want to explain why the answer to that question fails to
explain why my boyfriend and the film makers consider the sentence below
correct:
Neither you nor I is in control...
As I see it, "Michael" and "Albert" are two individuals, it therefore
stands to reason that the verb should be singular, and "is" agrees with
the subject. If I rephrase the neither and nor construction I would get:
Michael is not correct but neither is Albert
OR
Michael is not correct and Albert isn't either.
Which have the same meaning, (either being the negative equivalent of
neither) the sentences are grammatical which leads me to conclude that the
verb must be singular and hence
Neither Michael nor Albert is correct
However, when I rephrase the "neither you nor I" sentence following the
same procedure I have to say this:
You are not in control but neither am I ("I am" just sounds weird)
OR
You are not in control and I'm not either.
which leads me to surmise that the sentence below must be grammatically
correct
Neither you nor I am in control"
So, why does my boyfriend insist that the sentence ought to be:
Neither you nor I is in control
Which one of us is right and why?!